I'VE ALWAYS HAD FLUCTUATING WEIGHT SINCE I WAS ABOUT 12 OR 13. GROWING UP I WAS ALWAYS "SKINNY" AND WAS SURE I WOULD NEVER PUT ON WEIGHT .. WELL LIFE HAPPENED (PUBERTY LOL) AND THAT ALL CHANGED VERY QUICKLY.
THROUGHOUT HIGH SCHOOL WAS SORT OF THE SAME. I ALWAYS PUT WEIGHT ON AROUND THE SOFTBALL SEASON AND THEN IT KIND OF DISAPPEARED AFTER, AND THAT CARRIED ON A LITTLE AFTER I GRADUATED. IN 2009 WHEN MY HUSBAND AND I GOT TOGETHER I BLEW UP! WE WERE ALWAYS EATING OUT AT THE TACO SHOP, IN N OUT BURGER, SIT DOWN RESTAURANTS, ETC. IT WAS BAD. BEFORE I KNEW IT, CLOTHES WERE BECOMING TIGHT AND IT WAS LIKE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! I DECIDED TO GET ON THE SCALE ONE DAY AND THE NUMBER I SAW MADE MY MOUTH HIT THE FLOOR. THIS WAS AFTER GETTING OFF AND ON A FEW TIMES. THE NUMBER SAID 189. THAT WAS THE BIGGEST I HAD EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE. ALL I COULD THINK IS HOW THE HELL DID I GET HERE? HOW COULD I GET THIS COMFORTABLE AND LET MYSELF GO...
MY HUSBAND (THEN BOYFRIEND) NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT MY WEIGHT BUT I COULD SEE THE CHANGE AND OTHERS STARTED NOTICING TOO. UP LATE ONE NIGHT I CAUGHT AN INFOMERCIAL FOR P90X AND SAID ONE DAY I'LL BUY THAT AND TAKE THE PLUNGE. I WENT BACK AND FORTH OVER A COUPLE OF WEEKS AFTER CONSTANTLY SEEING IT AND DECIDED TO BUY IT. MY HUSBAND HAD DECIDED TO JOIN THE SERVICE AND HE WAS LEAVING FOR BASIC SOON SO I FIGURED WE COULD WORK OUT TOGETHER. WE DID ONE WORK OUT AND THEN IT WAS BOXED UP AND SAT ASIDE. ONE DAY WHILE HE WAS GONE I SAID TO MYSELF YOU'RE GOING TO DO THIS.
IT WAS ROUGH THE FIRST 2 AND HALF WEEKS OF IT. I COULDN'T MAKE IT THROUGH ONE WORKOUT WITHOUT STOPPING. I HAD TO STOP AFTER EVERY MOVE WE DID. TAKE MY INHALER A FEW TIMES AND GUZZLE DOWN WATER BECAUSE I WAS SURE I WAS GOING TO DIE. BUT AT ABOUT WEEK 3 I COULD MAKE IT THROUGH WITH ONLY STOPPING DURING THE ACTUAL BREAK. I WORKED OUT CONSISTENTLY, COUNTED CALORIES, AND PORTIONED LIKE CRAZY THE ENTIRE TIME MY HUSBAND WAS GONE. IN TWO MONTHS I HAD LOST 59LBS! 59LBS OF ME WAS GONE! TO BE 130LBS AND LOVING EVERY INCH OF MYSELF WAS ONE OF THE MOST LIBERATING TIMES IN MY LIFE. WE EVENTUALLY MOVED TOGETHER AND AGAIN WE WERE EATING OUT AND DRINKING WITH FRIENDS. I SLOWLY STARTED PUTTING SOME OF THE WEIGHT BACK ON. IN MAY OF 2012 I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT. ALL OF MY HARD WORK WENT OUT THE WINDOW. I DIDN'T GAIN A TON OF WEIGHT DURING PREGNANCY. I'D SAY ABOUT 35-40LBS. SO A BIT MORE THAN WHAT MOST DOCTORS WOULD LIKE YOU TO GAIN. AND THOUGH I LOST SOME AFTER HAVING MY SON, SOME STUCK AROUND AND SO DID BAD EATING HABITS.
SO HERE I AM STARTING OVER AT THE SAME WEIGHT. ITS A CRAPPY FEELING TO NOT LIKE YOURSELF. SO I'M MAKING A VOW TO TREATING MY BODY THE WAY IT WAS MEANT TO BE TREATED. TO BE FED GOOD FOOD AND EXERCISED.
GOAL: I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AND BE PROUD OF WHO I SEE AND HOW FAR I'VE COME.
{3/365} "RESOLUTION"
SURE, THE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT YOU SEE THERE MAY BE SMALL. BUT IN DUE TIME IT WILL GROW. MY BODY DESERVES TO BE TREATED THE WAY IT WAS MADE TO BE, I SHOULD ENJOY PICKING OUT CLOTHES AND GETTING DRESSED, BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY I SHOULD BE PROUD OF THE REFLECTION I SEE IN THE MIRROR. HOW CAN I ENJOY AND LOVE OTHERS IF I CAN'T LOVE WHO I AM.
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